Firstly I would like to state that everything that goes into this blog is 100% factual! I’m saying that as you’re probably all thinking that it’s all a little farfetched and that this all can’t happen to one person in one week! But believe me it can and it has!!
Unfortunately before I can reveal my first trauma (obviously) I have to give some boring background info so bear with me! I had the small task this morning of going to the bank to collect my bank card – I was going along with my head of department (who is also new) and his wife and 2 young children. We arrived at the bank only to be told we would have to come back later surprise surprise! Anyway as Tom only had his passport and not his wife’s he would have to return home to collect it. So myself and his wife decided to take the kids to one of the little nature parks, as it has a children’s play area. It’s a beautiful place with plenty to see and different trails for walking, cycling, jogging etc. Anyway the children got hungry and their mum had brought some snacks along for them so we sat at a picnic bench whilst they ate their … BANANAS – Yes I’m sure you all know what’s coming!!! We were swarmed by monkey one of which jumped on the child and grabbed his banana! We’re then frantically trying to get the monkey off him and he’s understandably crying and we’re in total disbelief – a true monkey attack!!! I swear there were about 9 monkeys surrounding us - edging closer – I tried all noise tactics to try and scare them off (none of which actually worked) eventually the child who the monkey attacked started screaming “go away you naughty monkeys” which actually did the trick – why didn’t I think of that – instead of the clapping and hissing and scatting I was trying!! Anyway I think you’d all agree a lesson well learnt!! To top off the day we went back to the bank only to wait for another hour for people to pretend our cards weren’t ready when they actually were, I think they just know British people are impatient so they are trying to instil some in us from the start!!!
Believe it or not I then managed to have a couple of uneventful days spent sunbathing by the pool, even managed an early morning run to the ACTUAL beach and back (I now know the actual beach is only the 10mins away that I was originally told!!) I went to the local for a couple of drinks on Friday night – the local is a bar where you sit outside on the street, on garden furniture. We bought a medium bottle of Smirnoff vodka for £3 or something ridiculous!! I then headed out to my first party on sat night! The theme was colourfully absurd, bearing in mind I was gate crashing I played it safe and stuck to the colourful. I needn’t have bothered with the playing it safe part we arrived at this stunning house (his parents) to be greeted by a guy in a fluorescent leotard and another guy (the birthday boy) staggering (at 4pm) wearing an all in 1 turquoise lycra cat suit!! This was a good opportunity to meet new people and get to know the regular “volleyball” crew. All in all a good party! I’m still concerned that although drink driving is not legal here, everyone does it, as police have no way of measuring blood alcohol content.
I had a trip to the Nyali beach on Sunday which is a lovely white beach and plenty to see and do, I love how resourceful Kenyan people are they all use old car inner tyres as inflatable rings in the sea which look great fun!!
I was starting to think how boring this blog must be without as many stupid or freaky moments however I forgot the story where I actually threatened to hit a man with my mop!!! I know I sound ridiculous but it was the only thing I had on me that might resemble a weapon!! Anyway the story goes … I took a walk to the local supermarket to pick up a mop and bucket and few other items – and really just to fill my day!! Now, where I live is very quiet and very safe however, when you get on to the main road in Mtwapa that’s where you tend to get the begging or the people trying to sell you things etc.!! As a newbie I am very cautious about people in general so when I was approached by a man talking about money I presumed he was asking for some and brushed him off (I know I’m a terrible person who will go to hell!!!) anyway apparently he wasn’t asking for money but trying to find out how much 50euro was in shillings. I explained I had no idea, apologised and got on my way! (Checking I had not just been pick pocketed!) Only to be followed into the shop later with another story – his friend who just happens to be the president’s son saw us talking and apparently wanted a picture of me – I explained I was doing my shopping and would like to be left in peace – he left telling me he’d wait for me outside –Brilliant! - I spent as long as possible wandering the aisles of a fairly small shop (there’s only so long you can do that for without starting to look dodgy and suspicious yourself!). I paid for my shopping and tried to discreetly make a bit of a run for it (well a fast walk) I didn’t get far before he was shouting after me “hey English” he caught up with me and pleaded with me to have a photo with his friend so he could get a job, I politely declined (bearing in mind Mtwapa has a thriving sex trade, I had visions of me being the new face for some seedy bar or as some pimps new income!) I told him how unlikely it was his friend was the president’s son and how if he was his friend he would just give him the job- he then proceeded to point out his friend who was also following me! Now I kid you not this guy look like a vagrant, I have absolutely nothing against tramps and I don’t know much about Kenyan politics but what I do know is they are corrupt and generally take all the money for themselves rather than putting it back into the country! (So rather like British politicians!) So I’m guessing they are not likely to be wearing a ripped shirt buttoned up wrong, only have 2 front yellow teeth, be walking the streets of Mtwapa on their own, and be wearing car tyres for shoes!! Anyway I pretty much explained this to the guy now trying to hold me hostage by physically grabbing my arm which only made me more determined not to get entangled in the façade! He continued to become very persistent and his grip tightened on my arm! As I was threatening to hit him with my mop, if he did not let go of me he told me “me and you are like brother and sister” ‘Hell no!!! We are far from that thank you.’ By this point he/I was making quite a scene so a car pulled up with some very kind Asian men who told him in no polite terms to do one!! I eventually escaped his grasp and he had the cheek to tell me “you have let me down, English girls are nice girls and you don’t want me to get a job”. I with my mop and bucket left feeling no remorse!!!
So this week I start work – well meetings etc. so I’m not sure I’m going to have much to write about for a while … we shall see!!!
Final thought …….
5 things I am missing from home (apart from people)
1. Food – Garthway bacon butties, chicken parmo, fajitas, chocolate, and cheese to name a few!!
2. Television – Sad I know
3. A proper working shower
4. My IPhone - a Nokia 1800 doesn’t cut it
5. A washing machine/microwave (technically 2 but thought they both came under appliances??)
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Steph xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX
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